As the catapault nears, you see the Greeks load a ball of flame they intend to launch at you.

    You look down at the speedometer: 35 mph.

    "C'mon, van!" you shout.

    The pedal is to the floor, but the damn van just has no pick-up.

    You are almost upon the catapault.

    37 mph...

    You use both feet to pound the gas pedal.  It breaks off, and goes right through the floor of the van.

    Finally the van accelerates with a kick.

    The Greeks launch their fireball.

    <<FWOOSH!>>

    You see the speedometer at 42 mph and close your eyes, gripping the steering wheel, with your feet through the floor.

    <<SMASH!>>

    The fireball smashes into the ground right where your van should be.  The Greeks jump up and down in celebration, but then realize that your van has mysteriously disappeared.

    You hear a loud crash noise, and assume you are about to die.  But after a couple more seconds, you are still alive, so you open your eyes -- just in time to avoid an on-coming vehicle.

    But it's no catapault.

    You are barely able to steer the van around some sort of hovercraft that whizzes past you dizzyingly.

    You hit the brakes and the van skreeches to a halt.

    You look behind you, worried that the hover-vehicle might make a seond attack run, but it merely glides off into the distance.  You look around, but see no sign of the attacking Greek Army.

    You turn the van around and head back to Poppy's house.

    But something's not the same.  Not only is Merv's body not present, but the house looks completely renovated.  The roof is a shiny metallic gold, and there's some sort of a dome in the back yard.

    You park the van and approach the front door.  The old door has been replaced with a new metal door with a slot in the middle.

    You knock on the door.

    <<clink clink clink>>

    <<Welcome,>> says a computerized voice, <<to Noam's house.>>

    "Noam's house?" you think to yourself.  "This must be some kinda joke."

    <<Please stand still while your retina is scanned.>>

    A little light shines from what you thought was a doorbell into your right eye.

    <<Accessing information... you are Bradford Powell, Jr., deceased.>>

    "Deceased?  What're you talking about?  Let me in the house, dammit."

    <<Sorry, Bradford Powell, Jr.  Access denied.>>

    "Hey," you say, "let me talk to Poppy."

    <<Poppy...>> echoes the computer.  <<Alias for Bradford Powell Sr., also deceased.>>

    "Look, computer dude.  You got some bad information.  Now just let me in."

    <<I cannot do that without permission from Noam.  I'm sorry.>>

    "Well, where's he?"

    <<Noam is on vacation with Sarah and Mike Toomey in Japan.>>

    "Japan?!"

    <<May I help you with anything else, Bradford?>>

    "Hey, if you're so smart: where's Katie?"

    <<Katie...>> echoes the computer.  <<Kaitlin Victoria Takayanagi is currently at her house.>>

    You wonder how old Katie is now.

    "How old is Katie now, anyhow?"

    <<Kaitlin is now sixty-two years old.>>

    "Ha!  I don't know where you get your information from, computer dude, but Katie's not even sixteen yet!  I should know!  And this... this isn't Noam's house, it's Poppy's... and..."

    <<Goodbye, Bradford Powell, Jr., deceased,>> says the computer.

    "Yeah, see ya..." you say, and head around back.

    You try the basement door, but see that it, too, has the same computer security door now.

    Frustrated, you walk up to Christy's, but to your dismay, find that it is no longer Christy's, but SharonMart6000.  You look inside, but Buddy's nowhere to be found.

    So you decide to head over to Katie's to investigate.

    You approach her house but find that it looks amazingly different, with some weird futuristic architecture, and a new screen porch.

    As you get closer, you hear Katie's unmistakable voice, but it sounds different somehow -- older.

    "...and then she says 'do you wanna talk to my brother?', and I'm like, 'uh, sure', and so Milty comes on the phone and he says 'Have you ever been with a boy before?  Cause I've been with girls' and I'm like 'Can I talk to Eva again?' and then Eva comes back on and says 'My brother likes you', and I'm like 'Uh, OK...'"

    You hear another familiar voice laugh at her story, and then speak:

    "Did I ever tell you about the time me and Poppy were up at Powell Camp, masturbating off the front porch, and Poppy fell right off the edge?"

    It's Brendan!  But he sounds like an old, old man.

    You creep through the bushes to hear better and maybe sneak a look.

    "Hey," says Katie laughing.  "Remember the time when Tommy Sola grabbed my boob by accident?"

    "Yeah," says Brendan laughing.

    "So," says Katie.  "What ever happened to you and Lila?"

    "Oh," says Brendan.  "She got back together with that Michael Baer fella about six or seven years after she dumped my ass...  So... are you still going out with Ross?"

    "No," says Katie laughing.  "We're really broken up this time.  Plus, he's on Mars now, training for the olympics."

    You peek your head through the brush just enough to see the faces of Katie and Brendan.

    You can hardly bring yourself to accept it, but they are old!  Really old!

    Finally you realize: Merv must have made the van into a time machine!

    Rushing back to the van, you think of all the cool things you will do with a time machine at your disposal -- as soon as you get that gas pedal fixed.

    "It doesn't even matter that Merv died," you think to yourself, "'cause you can go back in time and just kill all the Greeks before they get to him, ha ha!"

    Your mind is racing with the possibilities.

    But as you cross Billings St., you are mowed down by a speeding hovercraft.

    ...

    It is later discovered that the driver of the hover craft was wearing a brown paper bag over his head at the time of the accident.
 

Your final score is:

15381