"Fishdick?" says Poppy chuckling.  "That's pretty good, Bradford."

    Suddenly the tank rumbles to a halt.

    It lowers its turret.

    And...

    <<clunk>>

    Bud's outta ammo!

    "C'mon!" says BOOG.

    You all rush the tank.

    BOOG rips the top hatch right off.

    Ghandi reaches in and pulls up Bud by his whiter-than-white hair.

    You go to punch Bud really hard, but he kicks you in the nads first, knocking you right off the tank.

    Poppy, however, lands one right into Bud's gut.

    Then Ghandi and BOOG malachi-crunch him severely.

    "Keep at him!" yells Poppy.  "Don't let him morph!"

    Bud tries to go into his fluidy state in order to morph, but BOOG karate chops the back of his neck, knocking him to the sidewalk.

    You all chase him, but he is able to morph into a liquid and escape down a sewer drain before you catch him.

    "Goddamit," says Poppy.

    "It ain't over," says Ghandi.  "I'm goin' in."

    Ghandi pulls the grate right off the curb, tosses it aside, and lowers himself into the sewer.

    About five minutes pass silently.

    Then Ghandi emerges from the sewer badly bruised and bleeding.

    "I took care of 'im," he announces.

    "Good work, Ghandi," says Poppy.

    Ghandi nods.

    You all turn back toward the wrecked house.

     Then Ghandi, behind you all, morphs back into Bud.

    He morphs his arm into a baseball bat and whacks BOOG over the head.

    "Oof!" cries BOOG, falling to the ground.

    You and Poppy turn, but it's too late.

    Bud's other arm turns into a skewer and pokes right through Poppy.

    The baseball bat arm whacks you in the nads hard.

    You fall to your knees as Bud spins Poppy like a propeller around the skewer-arm.

    You crawl away as fast as you can.

    You reach the driveway and find Ross there.

    "Hey, Brad, is Katie in there?" he says, motioning toward the collapsed house.

    "Run, Ross!  Run!" you say.

    "Hunh?" says Ross.

    Bud's baseball bat arm becomes and elongated skewer and heads right for Ross.  Ross sees it and darts in the other direction, barely keeping ahead of it.

    You seize the opportunity to run up and kick Bud in the sack.

    But Bud is too fast.  His crotch morphs into a hand that grabs your foot and throws it to the side.  Then it morphs into a third leg and boots you in the groin.

    BOOG slowly rises off the ground, but Bud turns the third leg into a skewer, too, and sticks it through BOOG'S leg, pinning him.

    Then from behind Bud, the real Ghandi returns weilding Danny's machete.

    He slices Bud's head clean off.

    Bud suddenly drops and Poppy stops spinning and falls to the ground.  BOOG is freed, although Ross -- now miles away -- just keeps running.

    Very weak, Poppy struggles to say, "Acid.  We need to melt him with acid."

    "Ghandi!" you say.  "Keep at him with that machete!  BOOG, get Danny over here with all the kerosene he can muster up.  ...I'll get the acid."

    You run as fast as you can with your swollen sack over to Merv's apartment.  You see your van in his driveway, but you don't even get pissed.  You find Merv passed out on his sofa while Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood plays on the TV.

    "Merv!" you yell.  "Wake up!"

    "Zzzzzz... hunh?  Sandy?"

    "Merv, it's Brad!  Look, I need that acid that I gave you to hold onto a couple years back.  Where is it?"

    "The acid?  Oh, right!  It's in a keg under the sink.  Help yourself."

    "Merv, it's heavy.  Get your ass up and help me."

    "All right, Marty.  All right, I'm comin'."

    The two of you fetch the keg of acid and heft it into the back of the van.

    You drive back to the house.  Ghandi is still whacking away at Bud, and Danny is giving Poppy a brisk kerosene rub down.

    "Good, Brad," says Poppy, regaining his strength.  "Now dump the whole damn thing on Bud."

    You open the keg and pour its whole contents onto the Bud pieces.

    Nothing immediate happens.

    "What kind of acid is that?" asks Poppy.

    "Um, brown, I think," says Merv.

    The Bud pieces reunite to reform Bud.

    "Shit," says Poppy.

    Bud morphs into a yellow cube.  Then blue. Then orange.  Then a tie-dyed pattern.

    "Woah, he's stoned," you say.

    Bud morphs into a pink cow and moos.

    Danny then uses "Mr. Majesto" to lasso the mutant beast.

    "Pummel him," commands Poppy.

    BOOG and Ghandi do just that.
 
    "No!" says Poppy.  "Not Danny!  Bud!  Pummel Bud!"

    They apologize to Danny, switch to Bud, and after some time, he is reduced to a fluidy ball.

    "Now put him inside the tank," says Poppy.

    They do.

    "I'll be back," says Poppy.

    Poppy hops into his minivan and drives off.

    He returns about half an hour later with a carload of hydrochloric acid.  Ghandi and BOOG bring it over to the tank and pour it inside until the tank is full, then close the hatch.

    "All right, boys," says Poppy.  "We did good work."

    "What about the house?" you ask.

    "I anticipated this," says Poppy.  He reaches into his pants and pulls out his pipe.  He twists the end of it and a secret button is revealed.  He presses it, and the wrecked house suddenly flops back into place.

    Your respect for Poppy instantly doubles.

    "Now BOOG, I want the top hatch on the tank hermetically sealed ASAP," he says.  "And then you and Ghandi can just push it over next to your old truck."

    That night you regail the story of how you, Poppy, Ghandi and BOOG defeated a morphing Uncle Bud to Sarah, Pam, Katie, and Noam over a pizza dinner (courtesy of the Shaorn House of Pizza), none of whom believe a word of it -- even if there is a World War II tank still in the driveway.

    After dinner you retire to the basement.

    You crawl over into your favorite spot, curl up, and go to sleep.

    Meanwhile, outside in the driveway, a fluidy liquid slowly drips out the turret of the World War II tank.