But it's not Pam.

    It's Merv.

    "Hi, Marty," says Merv.

    "Merv?" you say.  "What are you doing coming into Pam's room?"

    "Uh..." says Merv.  "I talked to Stephen downstairs, he said you were up here."

    "You wouldn't happen to know why my secret diary is lying here on Pam's bed, now, would you?"

    "Diary?  I didn't even know you kept a diary, Marty," says Merv.

    Just then Pam walks in the door to her room.  She sees Merv from behind, but not you.

    "Merv, you got the money or what?  Sarah needs some new saddle-darkener for her friggin' horse.  That shit's not cheap."

    Merv spins around and clumsily tries to hand signal to Pam that you're in the room, too.

    Pam doesn't catch on.

    "Don't give me any bullshit, Merv.  Just give me the money, take the damn diary, and get out of my room, all right?"

    "Fuck," says Merv, exasperated.

    "Merv!" you shout.  "You betrayed me to Pam?  Stealing my secret diary?  Selling it some palsy amount of money?!  How could you?"

    "Fifty fucking dollars!" shouts Pam angrily.  "And I still expect to be paid!  Do you know how much shit I had to go through to find that damn thing?"

    "Brad..." says Merv.  "It's not what you think.  I--"

    "The both of you sicken me!" shouts Pam.  "Get the hell out of my room!"

    "How could you Merv?!" you shout.

    "Now!" shouts Pam.

    You can't be sure who threw the first punch, or kicked the first crotch, but what ensues is a fifteen minute brawl -- the likes of which Pam's room has never seen.

    Everybody ends up banged up pretty bad, with you and Merv taking the lion's share of abuse.  The melee comes to an abrupt end when Pam kicks both you and Merv out the window.

    You fall two stories and land on top of each other.

    After a few minutes of moaning and wheezing, you and Merv look at each other.  You half-expect the battle to continue out here beside the house.  But Merv looks you over... and starts laughing.

    At first you get angry that he's laughing at you, but soon, you too, see the ridiculousness of the situation.  Both of you have a pretty good laugh.

    When you guys have calmed down enough, you ask him a question:

    "So what the heck did you wanna look at my secret diary for, Merv?"

    Merv laughs a little bit and then responds:

    "I, uh..." he says, turning a bit more serious.  "I wanted to see exactly how it was that, uh..."

    "What?" you ask.

    "How you scored with Pam that time back in the 70s," says Merv.

    Immediately the two of you break into laughter again, recognizing the irony of it all.

    Pam opens the window to her room and chucks out your secret diary.

    It lands on Merv's head, knocking him unconscious.

    "Fucking perverts!" shouts Pam.

    You take your diary and stash it in the back of your underwear.  Then you pick up Merv over your shoulder and carry him around the back of the house and down into the basement.

    You lay him down on the basement floor, put a pillow under his head, and put your blanket over him.

    You use some old laundry as a pillow and lie down beside him to get some rest.  Before long, the two of you are fast alseep.