You weren't havin' it. You were this close to finally scoring with your girlfriend Beverley, and no way Pam was gonna screw things up for you again. You refused the date with Sandy flat-out, but when Pam threw your ass flat-out on the back stairs, you were forced to reconsider.
After 45 minutes of bickering, your older sister, Lucia proposed a solution: a double-date. It was decided that Pam and her drug-dealing boyfriend Mark would accompany you and Sandy on the date. Pam promised to keep an eye on Sandy, so you reluctantly consented, thinking that at least maybe you could score some inubrius off Mark.
Mark had tickets to the Electric Earwax show at a club in Boston that Friday night, and was pretty sure he could get you guys in, so that was to be the date. Didn't sound so bad after all.
But things went wrong.
Friday rolled around and Mark drove everybody to the show in his psychedelic Volkswagon(tm) Vanagon. When you got to the doors, Mark's 2 tickets got Pam and him inside. He tried to smooth talk the bouncers, offering them some weed, but they immediately dismissed him as a lamer and pushed him aside.
"Sorry, dude," said Mark to you and Sandy, then he and Pam went inside.
You and Sandy were forced to wait for them alone in the vanagon. Right off the bat, Sandy tried getting cuddly with you, but you were too pissed off with Pam and Mark to be up for that.
After a while you started rifled through Mark's glove compartment, and under a stash of used condoms and a few old discarded issues of Hot & Fat, you found a plastic bag full of the good stuff.
Lighting up, and taking a few drags, you soon felt a lot better about everything.
Sandy was too much of a square to shmoke up. In fact, it made her cough her annoying little cough.
Oh well, didn't matter, you thought. Things could be worse.
By the end of the concert, you'd gone through most of the bag, and the smoke was so dense in the van, you couldn't see your own nipples. Pam and Mark came back to the van, thoroughly stoned themselves. At that point, your memory is a bit hazy. You remember thinking that maybe Sandy wasn't so bad afterall -- as long as there's a willing woman, you'd might as well get in some practice.
And so the van rocked well into the early morning hours.
At about 9am the next morning, there was a knock on the door of the van. The windows were too steamed up to see inside or out. You heard a voice calling from outside.
"Hey, Brad!"
It was Sandy's voice.
"Sorry I had to bail out last night, but the smoke was really too much for me. Anyhow, I just wanted you to know that Merv is looking for you. Talk to you later!"
"Um, wait a second," you thought sleepily. "How can I be hearing Sandy's voice outside if she's still here sleeping next to me?"
And then it hit you.
You looked and saw a passed-out Mark in the front seat, drool dripping from his mouth. And lying next to you, naked, your own sister, Pam, just coming-to.
"Hunh?" said Pam groggily waking up.
And then it hit her.
"No..." she said softly.
A look of utter terror came over her face.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Pam swore off
drugs that very day.
Fortunately
Mark didn't wake up for another 16 hours, and so the secret stayed forever
between you and Pam.
But Beverley found out about your date with Sandy the next day and dumped your ass cold.
Nine months later, Pam gave birth to a son: Sammy Powell.