It's not too far a drive, and soon you pull up to the drive-thru menu.

    "Welcome to Fries & Fro's.  May I take your order?"

    It's Becky's voice.

    "Hi, it's me, Brad."

    "Would you like fries with that?"

    "Actually, Beck, I'm just looking for Eva.  Is she wor--"

    "Thank you, drive-thru."

    "Hey!" you shout.  "Hey, Becky?  ...Hey!"

    There's no response.

    You decide to drive up to the first window and see if there's someone you can talk to there.

    Pulling up to the window, immediately a large robot arm grabs your head and pushes it down against the side door of the van.

    Although you can't see what's happening, you hear many machine noises, some pops and pings, a long whizzzz sound, and finally a big whoosh!  And then your head is released.

    You pull your head back up and look to see if there's a person there to talk with, but the window has closed.

    "Please drive to the next window," announces a loud impersonal voice through a speaker.

    You are driving forward to the next window when you catch your reflection in the rearview mirror.  Goodness!  You've got a lopsided 'fro!

    You reach the next window and Becky thrusts a large bucket of fries at you.

    "That's $4.18 please," says Becky.  "Oh, hi, Brad.  Nice hair-do."

    "Look, Becky, I didn't want this haircut.  I'm just here looking for Eva."

    "Sorry, Brad.  She's busy until we close.  Try back then.  Thank you for choosing Fries & Fro's."

    The window closes and the car behind you beeps.

    Sighing, you drive forward and park in the parking lot to munch on some fries.

    You're minding your own business, munching your fries, when a white Mercedes pulls up next to you.  One of its black-tinted window slides down, and a man in the back seat speaks to you.

    "Yo, can you give a brother directions to Great Woods in Mansfield?"

    "Yeah, no problem," you say.  "Who you going to see?"

    "To see?" says the man, surprised.  "People coming to see me."

    "Oh," you say.  "Are you part of a band or something?"

    "I'm Sean 'Puff Daddy' Combs!  Look, you give me directions to the place, and I'll set you up with two tickets and some backstage passes.  That cool?"

    "Definitely," you tell him.

    You write down some approximate directions with some drawings of landmarks along the way for the driver of the car, and Puff Daddy gets you the tickets and the passes.

    "Nice 'fro, man," says Puff Daddy, and he drives off.

    That night you and Merv get to Great Woods nice and early.  You head backstage, but find out that Puff Daddy and his crew haven't arrived yet.  You meet some other performers, though, including half of the Wu-Tang Clan.  RZA and Raekwon, in particular take a liking to you, and there are many compliments to be heard about your new hair-do.

    As the various acts perform their sets, it becomes more and more clear that headliner Puff Daddy is a no-show.  Since you and Merv are the only people from Puffy's posse backstage, the two of you are gathered into a small room backstage to decide what to do.

    Promoters fear rioting if their headline act has no set, so alternatives are quickly considered.  Finally, at the insistance of Raekwon, in place of a Puff Daddy set, all the nights performers will colaborate in a 20 minute musical tribute to Notorious B. I . G.  You and Merv are asked to come out on stage about halfway through and say a few words on behalf of Puff Daddy.

    And so the night's final set begins with show opener Skee-Lo walking on-stage to much booing and heckling from the raucous crowd.  But when humungous images of the deceased Biggie Smalls are broadcast over the jumbotron screens, the crowd gets respectful fast.

    And when Wu-Tang retakes the stage, the crowd errupts with cheers.

    Finally, after about ten minutes of haphazard beats and mostly ad-lib rapping, the music to Puff Daddy's chart-smashing "I'll Be Missing You" is heard throughout the venue -- it's your and Merv's cue.

    Standing on the side of the stage, you grab a mike and head out.  But somebody grabs you just before you make your enterance.

    "Hey, man!  You can't go out there like that!" says Skee-Lo.

    "Why not?" you ask.

    "You're dressed all funky-like.  Here," he says, tossing you a t-shirt, "put this on."

    You hurriedly pull on the over-size t-shirt, and get your ass on stage, with Merv at your back.

    "Hello, Mansfield!" you shout, and the crowd cheers back.

    "We bring word," says Merv to the beat, "from Sean 'Puff Daddy' Combs".

    You jump in:

    "He's Mervy Merv, I'm B-Rad, we're Puffy Daddy's home ...ies."

    It's not an exact rhyme, but it's the best you can do, as nervous as you are.

    "Puff's too broken up about Biggie to break it down tonight," raps Merv.

    "But he sent us to say 'thing's gonna be all right'," you continue.

    "Keep yo' heads up like just like Tupac" raps Merv.

    "Think of B. I. G. when you dealin' smack," you rap.

    "Mervy Merv and B-Rad signing off this station," shouts Merv.

    You hesitate for a moment, unable to come up with a rhyme for station.  Merv hand signals to you to look at the front of your shirt.  Apparently Skee-Lo gave you a "Hip-Hop Nation" t-shirt to wear on stage.  As nervous as you are, however, you misread it.

    "Peace out in '97 from the Hi-Phop Nation!" you shout.

    The crowd looks confused for a moment, but then suddenly errupts with cheers.  Puff Daddy finally arrives at the concert and walks out onto the stage.  You and Merv walk off, and Puff Daddy glares at you evilly.

    The rest of the concert goes as planned, and is a success, save for the finale in which Elton John takes the stage and sits at a piano with Puff Daddy, performing a duet version of "Candle in the Wind" with lyrics especially altered in honor of Notorious B. I. G.

    It is during this final number that you and Merv escape from the venue before any retribution can be had from Puff Daddy and his crew for the horrible directions -- and for upstaging him at his own show.

    Although many people later incorrectly attribute the phrase to Warren G's "Hi-Phop Era: Vacillate" recording later year, true rap aficianados know that it was actually two unknown white rappers who briefly took the stage at a concert in Mansfield, MA, who truly ushered in the Hi-Phop Era of popular rap, lasting roughly from late 1997 to mid-1998.

    You and Merv drive home that night in the van and discuss possible plans for a rap double album.  But by the time you reach home, thoughts have changed to a more pressing matter: the Webster marathon on TBS that started half an hour ago.

    "I hope they play the one where Webster joins the circus and --"

    "Accidentally mixes up the bearded lady with the human canonball?"

    "No, no," says Merv.  "That's a different one."