"These used to be Poppy's," you tell Milty. "Then he passed them down to Stephen. Steve keeps them down here because the cool air of the basement preserves them better."
You and Milty each take a few copies and flip through them.
What's nice about Hot & Fat is that the centerfold pictures fold out in all four directions.
You are admiring one such fold-out beauty when Milty's cries out:
"Marty!"
He points to one of the pages in the magazine he's reading.
"Uh, I don't think so, Milty. Maybe it looks like Marty, but that's probably just some average shmoe's johnson you're looking at."
"Marty! Marty!" insists Milton.
Deciding to humor him, you take the magazine from him and look at the little advertisemnet he's been excitedly pointing to.
My lands! It is Marty!
The advertisement shows a picture of a scantily-clad Eva displaying Marty on a sheet of plastic. It reads:
For 'The Greek Experience' call 784-8161
Incredulous, you flip to the cover of the magazine.
It's this month's issue! Wow. How'd that get here?
Oh, yeah!
Now you remember.
Buddy from Christy's gave it to you for saving his life when Christy's got robbed!
You pull out your cell-phone from the back of your undies.
Flipping it open, you dial the number in the ad.
<<Hello. Sharon House of Pizza. Pick-up or delivery?>>
"Hi, I'm Brad. I want 'The Greek Experience'."
<<Pick-up or delivery?>>
"Oh, um... delivery, I guess."
<<Name?>>
"I'm Brad."
<<Address?>>
"17 High Street -- around the back"
<<OK. Twenty minutes.>>
<<click>>
"All right, Milty. You just sit tight, and we'll sort this whole thing out."
You and Milton flip through some more magazines to pass the time.
About half an hour later there's a knock at the basement door.
You both toss the magazines aside and rush to answer it.
You pull open the door.
It's your niece.
"Becky?"
"Hey, Brad. You order The Greek Experience?"
"Yeah."
Becky heaves a large heavy box from beside her and drops it down right in front of you.
"$19.95." she demands.
"But Becky... I thought you were working at Fries & Fro's."
"We got a special tie-in with Sharon House of Pizza this month. Tryin' to boost sales," explains Becky. "You gonna pay up or what? I got business."
"Let me see what I'm getting," you say.
"It's against company policy," says Becky. "But I guess I can trust you."
She lifts off the cover of the box to reveal Milton's sister Eva, butt-nekked, sitting on some plastic sheets. In her hands is Miton's penis, Marty.
"Hey!" you say. "That's Marty! That belongs to Milton."
Eva looks up at you obliviously.
"Marty! Marty!" shouts Milton. He grabs for his weiner and starts a tug-o-war with Eva.
"What are you saying, Brad?" demands Becky.
"I'm saying that Eva stole Milton's penis from him and is now using it illegally to make money for your company."
Becky isn't happy, but she stays cool.
"What kind of proof can you show me?" she asks.
You yank down Milton's soccer shorts.
Becky gasps.
She swipes the disputed dink from Eva.
"Dammit, Eva," she says. "Sometimes I don't know why I went into business with you in the first place."
Becky hands Marty back to Milton.
Milty deposits it down the front of his shorts and a big smile crosses his face.
"I take it you won't be wanting your order then?" says Becky to you.
"Nah," you say.
"All right. That's cool," says Becky. "But I gotta move. Need a new business plan, I guess. Later."
She puts the cover back over the box, lifts it up, and walks off.
You look around,
but Milton has vanished.