You work diligently fifteen minutes per day producing meat lockers full of some of the world's finest jizz-fried steak in the country.

    The Papamagaritus Brothers get the patent on the jizz-steak combination, but that doesn't stop a horde of imitations from sprouting up as a jizz-craze sweeps across America.

    Jizz becomes a favorite new topping on hot dogs, hamburgers, and ice cream.

    McDonald's introduces the Jizz McNuggets.

    KFC becomes JFC.

    The fad fades quickly, but not before you get your hefty share of the Papamagaritus Brothers' profit.

    With your newfound wealth you:

    * build an expansive new addition to the basement at Poppy's house.

    * run a red carpet down the length of your secret passage from the basement to the boathouse in Vermont.

    * put the boathouse on wheels.

    * fund the building of a large statue of Merv in Sharon Center.

    * buy the rights to every episode of Webster.

    * offer Katie a million dollars to sleep with you (a la Indecent Proposal) -- rejected.

    * offer Pam 2 million -- rejected, and booted in the sack.

    * pay for extensive crotch reconstruction surgery.

    * put Noam through college.

    * donated thousands to Hands Across America II in the year 2000

    Life, you find, isn't all that different when you're super-ass-rich.  But it does have certain clear advantages.

    * On February 14, 2004, you marry Anna.