And neither can Ross.

    The next several hours are passed continually rubbing, grinding, pushing, and sliding against the support pole with Ross close by.

    Finally at the break of dawn, the pleasure has built to an amazing crescendo.

    Ross is right in time with you.

    Suddenly you both cry out in ecstatic bodily pleasure, thrusting against your respective poles so hard that they both give way.

    Unbeknownst to you, Sarah's friends, Chis Byrne, Amanda, Myer, and "Dabe" had all been sleeping out on the roof of the porch.

    The entire porch roof comes toppling down on top of you and Ross.

    Ross is fast enough to avoid further injury -- he does spend a week in Norwood hospital having splinters from the wooden post removed from his groin.

    You, however, are crushed.

    ...

    At your funeral, Sarah's friends feel terrible about having accidentally killed you.

    Pam tries to tell them it's not their fault, but they're really broken up about it.

    A week or so later Chris and "Dabe" collaborate and write a homage to you and set it to music with the help of Mike Toomey on drums.

    A month or so later "Sorry, Brad" becomes a 'buzz clip' on MTV, propelling Sarah's friend's band to one-hit-wonder status.

    They break up when Toomey goes solo.
 

Your final score is:

3021