<<knockity-knock-knock>>

    Pam answers the door.

    "What's up, Brad?"

    "Hi, Pam.  Is Sarah in there?"

    "Yeah, she's bonking Toomey, didn't you see the note?"

    "Hunh?  Oh, yeah.  Hey, is Eva in there by any chance?"

    "Eva Papamagaritus?  No, why?"

    "Oh, uh... no reason," you say.

    "OK, bye, Brad," says Pam, and closes the door.

    Milton looks terribly dejected.

    "I'm sorry, little buddy," you say.  "I'm sure it'll turn up."

    "I want Marty!" shouts Milton, again the open sobbing starts.

    "Easy now, Milty," you say.

    "MARTY!  MARTY!  MARTY!  MARTY!" shouts the diminutive Greek.

    "Now, Miton," you say, "there's no need to make a fuss.  Shouting about it won't bring your penis back."

    Just then, Milty stops crying and his voice booms: "MARTY!"

    Immediately you hear a commotion from inside Sarah's room.  Then a few hoppings sound, and the door to the room opens.

    Miton's weiner is there and it bounds up and lands right down his soccer shorts.

    "Marty!" says Milty, happily stroking his summoned wee-wee.

    Toomey appears at the door to Sarah's room.

    "Hey!  What the hell did you just do with my dick?" he shouts rudely at Milton.

    "Don't shout at Milton like that," you say.  "He's had a rough day."

    "Well, he's got my penis, and I'm gonna need it back right now."

    "That is not your penis, it's Marty, Milton's wee-wee."

    "Look," says Toomey.  "All I know is -- I purchased that there weiner for $17 from a little Greek girl on the front porch this morning."

    "Yeah, well it belongs to Milton," you say.

    "Well, what the hell am I supposed to use now?" asks Toomey angrily.

    "What happened to yours?" asks Pam, butting in to the conversation.

    "I sold it a couple years ago to get money for tickets to the Motordeth concert."

    "Wasn't that a little short-sighted?" asks Pam.

    "I was a metal-head," says Toomey defensively, "I didn't think I was ever gonna get laid!"

    "Well, next time you won't make the same mistake," you say.

    "Fuck, man!" shouts Toomey.  "Now Sarah's gonna dump me."

    He storms off.

    As he passes the banister, Junior takes a swipe at him.  Angered, Toomey takes a swing at Junior.  In a matter of seconds Mike Toomey is a mangled heap at the bottom of the stairs.

    "Look what you've done now," says Pam to you.

    Instinctively you go to block your crotch, but it is already too late.  You look down to see that Pam's swift foot has already smashed your nads painfully.

    Pam slams the door to Sarah's room.

    You look around, but Milton is nowhere to be found.  Fickle friend.

    You walk down the hall and enter the bathroom.

    There, you take a poop with the bathroom door wide open.  That always makes you feel a little better.
 
    Afterward, you walk down the back stairs, then down to the basement.

    You take out a few old issues of Hot & Fat, and read until you fall asleep eleven  hours later.