"Oh, yeah?" you say.

    <<Yeah... he's listening to some, like, 70s funk record, and dancing really badly.  It's kinda scary.>>

    "You know, Merv was a pretty good dancer back in the 70s -- back before the accident."

    <<What accident would that be, Brad?>> asks Katie.

    "Uh, see... well, back in like... the early 80s... Merv was trying to make a crossover from his days as a porn actor to being a legitimate actor on TV.  I tried to help him out, so I called up the only connection I had at that time -- this was before I appeared on Webster -- so anyhow, I called up my Uncle Bud, the Gorton Fisherman."

    <<Oh, yeah.  The dude in the bright yellow slicker.>>

    "Right...  So I call up ol' Bud, and ask if he can maybe help out my friend Merv -- find him a role in a commercial or maybe even a TV show or something."

    <<Was Merv on TV?>>

    "Well, I'll get to that...  see, so I guess this was summer, and Bud was up in Vermont, so he says 'Why don't the two of you come on up here, and I'll give him a personal audition'.  So we thought that sounded cool, so that weekend me and Merv headed up to Powell Camp in my van."

    <<I never knew Merv went to Powell Camp.>>

    "Well, he never did again after this time.  Anyhow, we get there and naturally we stay in the red cottage.  But there's this problem.  Pam's there.  And she hates Merv.  So Merv and I sleep in the master bedroom and just pretty much try to avoid Pam who's out on the back sleeping porch.

    "So the next day Merv has his little audition in front of Bud, and things are going OK, except it seems like Bud is hardly paying any attention to Merv at all, and is just being really weird, and asking me if maybe I'd rather stay with the other side of the family in the green cottage and shit like that."

    <<Was Bud, like, hitting on you?>> Katie asks.

    "Nah, it wasn't that creepy, but he kept trying to talk to me all the time, and he started seeming really jealous that I was spending all my time hangin' with Merv.  So pretty soon Bud doesn't like Merv at all... and then there's this one night..."

    <<Wait,>> says Katie.  <<So was Sarah there, or was this before she was born?>>

    "OK, I was just getting to that.  So this is when Pam was pregnant with Sarah....  And so this one night me and Merv are skinny dipping in the lake, when suddenly we hear this crash in the woods, and a scream.  It was Pam.  So I said to Merv, 'You stay here, I'll go see if she's OK'.

    "So I run about halfway up the path to the cottage, and there's Pam, flat on her ass on the side of the path.  So I figured she must have slipped, and I help her up, and try to see if she's OK, but the whole time she's screaming bloody murder about how Merv pushed her, and how she was gonna kill him for it.

    "I figured she was just in shock or something, so I rush her to the hospital to make sure she's not too badly hurt, and hasn't had a miscarriage and stuff."

    <<So Merv pushed Pam down the path?>>

    "No!  See, Merv was in the lake with me the whole time.  He couldn't have.  Plus, why would he?  Maybe he wanted to score with Pam, but he sure didn't want to kill her!  Merv's a gentle dove!

    "Anyhow, so Pam gets out of the hospital the next day.  I drive her back to Camp, and she's still livid about the whole Merv thing.  And, I mean, now it's clear to me what happened.  But that was back before I knew Bud could morph.  So I thought Pam was just imagining the whole Merv pushing her thing.

    "So as soon as we get back from the hospital, Pam jumps out of the van and goes after Merv with BOOG's axe.  Merv has no idea what the hell's going on, so he just runs like hell.  And for about twenty minutes, Pam's just chasing Merv around with the axe, screaming at him.  I get in the van and try to let Merv jump in so we can get the hell out of there, but then the accident happens."

    <<Did Pam get him with the axe?>>

    "No, I hit him with the van.  And then Pam tripped over him, and the axe fell and cut Merv's right foot clean off."

    <<Ouch.>>

    "So it was back to the hospital.  Merv passed out when I hit him with the van, and he was in a coma for a month.  He came out of it back in Sharon, and I had to explain the whole thing about why Pam was chasing him with an axe, and why he now had a prosthetic foot."

    <<That sucks.  So you think Bud pushed Pam?>>

    "It makes perfect sense.  Bud wanted to get rid of Merv, so he disguised himself as him, and pushed Pam down the path.  My bet is he hoped that Pam would miscarriage."

    <<Why would he want that?>>

    "One less Powell on Poppy's side."

    <<Oh...  So there's still one thing I don't get.  Why Bud's peculiar interest in you?  Why didn't he just push you down the path, too?>>

    "I don't know, Katie.  Bud's always had this weird interest in me.  I don't know what he wants."

    <<Oh.  Anyhow, do you wanna talk to Merv?  I could call him over here.>>

    "Nah," you say.  "I was just gonna shoot the breeze.  Let him keep gettin' the funk out."

    <<OK, Brad.  Uh, good talking to you.>>

    "Yeah.  Talk to you later."

    <<Bye.>>

    "Bye, Katie."

    Wow.  You just had a whole conversation with Katie.  About Merv!  And she didn't even hang up on you.  This is a momentous day.

    You walk back down to the basement.  For a while you continue work on the Katie doll you've been working on for Merv's birthday.  It's pretty cool, but it's taking forever.  You've had to give the doll tits to keep it anatomically accurate since you started making it two and a half years ago.

    After a couple hours work you get tired and head over to your favorite spot in the basement, curl up, and drift off to sleep.