"OK," you say to yourself.  "It's gotta be in the van."

    You open the back doors of the van, and little Milton Papamagaritus is sitting there playing with your ass and a stick.

    "Milton, get outta here, man!  And give me back my ass!"

    You scare the bejeezus out of Milton.  He bolts past you, but your ass is stuck to the heel of his left shoe.

    He runs back toward the Sharon House of Pizza.

    Go after him.

    Let him have it.  Craft yourself a new ass out of things you find in the basement.

    Forget about your ass for now.  See what's going on in Pam's room.