You start wrapping the ice in the moldy lettuce as fast as you can.

    It's not fast enough.

    The battle axe slices off both your hands as you work.

    Ouch.

    And as if that weren't bad enough, those just happened to be your two favorite hands.

    You are bleeding profusely.

    Meanwhile you are pulling the axe back around for another swing and chuckling evilly. 

    Clap slowly and sarcastically, as if to say "Oh, I am so impressed by the way you have dismembered me."

    Fart indignantly.

    Soccer-kick your severed hands at the evil-twin bastard you.