There is no answer.
So you open the door.
But somebody's on the can.
Somebody with a brown paper bag over his head...
Sammy!
"Sammy?" you say. "Is that you?"
Sammy does not speak.
"Look, Sammy... I just want to say... I... I know I haven't been the greatest dad in the world. But... but I want another chance. So, c'mon, just stay here, and... we'll work things out. OK? ...OK, Sammy?"
Sammy does not acknowledge you.
He flushes the toilet, then gets up and walks right past you and out of the bathroom.
You follow him as he walks downstairs.
He heads out the front door and walks away down the street at a brisk pace.
"Sammy! Wait!" you shout.
Sammy keeps going. You follow at a distance.
He hangs a right at the end of the street, and walks down a block.
You follow as he passes Merv's place and heads right for Katie's house!
Sammy doesn't even knock, but walks right in!
Is that where Sammy's been staying all this time?
You decide you must get to the bottom of this.
You go to Katie's front door and knock.
No one responds so you knock louder.
Still no one comes to the door.
Frustrated, you open the door and let yourself in.
You look around the house. You open the door to Katie's room, and there he is!
And he's taking off the paper bag! Oh, my goodness!
And... and...
It's Katie.
She's wearing a walkman.
"Katie?" you say aloud.
"Agh! Brad -- what the hell are you doing here?"
"You're not Sammy?"
"Sammy Powell? Nope, sorry -- oh! See, I'm doing this sensory deprivation experiment for my psychology class at school. I have to wear this paper bag over my head and listen to a walkman that just plays loud static."
"Um, oh," you say.
"Um, I have to get changed to go running now. Can you maybe leave?"
"Yeah. Uh, bye."
"Bye, Brad."
Sheepishly you exit Katie's house.
Ross pulls up in a car.
"Hey, Brad, is Katie in there?"
"Uh, nah, I think she's at track practice."
"Oh," says Ross. "Thanks." He drives off.
Meanwhile, inside Katie's room...
"It's OK, Sammy," says Katie. "You can come out now."
Sammy Powell crawls out from underneath Katie's bed.
You head back to Poppy's, sad in your thoughts of your son at large in a cruel and uncaring world.
Having to urinate, you check into the bathroom. There, in the open toilet, is an almost perfectly round floating poop ball.
You go back down to the kitchen to look for a jar. The mayonnaise jar in the fridge is over half empty so you quickly wharf the rest and bring it back upstairs.
You scoop your new pet into the jar, then close the lid.
"Whoops!" you say. "Sorry, little buddy. I almost forgot breathing holes."
You take a pair of scissors and puncture the lid of the jar in a few places.
What would you like to name your new pet?