The door's open, so you walk right in.
Merv's sitting on his armchair watching Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.
"Hi, Merv. It's me, Brad."
"Hey, Marty," says Merv. (He calls you Marty.)
"Hey, have you seen my ass recently? I think I might have left it here a couple days ago."
"When we were spying on Katie?"
"Yeah," you say. "I'm pretty sure I had my ass then."
"Hmm," says Merv. "I don't really remember seeing it since then either."
"Mind if I look around?" you ask.
"Suit yourself," says Merv.
Merv presses play on the remote. A VCR tape begins playing.
You look around Merv's apartment, under piles of videotapes, behind stacks of old Hot & Fat magazines, through balls of dirty clothes. You go into the kitchen and check his cabinets, but no dice.
"Hey, is that Webster?" you ask, returning to the living room.
"Yeah," says Merv. "It's the one where Webster wins this contest and flies to Europe and he meets this old guy --"
"Who turns out to be an evil postman who delivers people's mail to the wrong addresses," you finish for him.
"No, no," says Merv. "That's a different one. This guy turns out to be Webster's grandfather's best friend and he's like the king of Belguim, and he makes Webster his court jester --"
"But Webster misses home and sneaks back to America on a boat."
"Nope," says Merv. "He runs into some German skinheads and beats the shit out of them."
"Oh, yeah!" you say. "That's a good one."
"Webster's the best, man," says Merv.
"Definitely," you say. "Hey, look, can I borrow your ass for the rest of the day maybe? And if I find mine I'll come back and return yours, OK?"
"Sorry, Marty," says Merv. "But I got a date with Elmira tonight. I'm gonna need that ass."
"Elmira?" you ask.
"Yeah, she used to do pornos with me. She's in town tonight."
"Can I tag along?"
"I think this one's a solo flight, Marty."
"All right," you say.