Your curiosity is too powerful to be denied, and you sit yourself down on Pam's bed and read the opened pages...
12 Noon: Just thinking.
1 PM: Aw, yeah!
2 PM: That'll work.
2:42 PM: "Hey, Katie. I got this job as a fashion photographer. You wanna be my personal assistant?"
2:43 PM: Whoops. That was Anna.
2:44 PM: But Anna said okay!
2:45 PM: Oh, no. I dropped the camera. And Anna ran away.
4 PM: Van Time!
5 PM: Under the van. It's funky.
5:02 PM: Whoops. That was Anna.
9 PM: Just thinking.
3 PM: You know what's cool about Merv?
5 PM: He's everywhere.
5:05 PM: Need a little doob? Merv's on it.
5:18 PM: Out of cash? Merv's the bank.
6:20 PM: Penis caught? Don't call the cops; Merv's got the jaws of life.
8:45 PM: What's the best thing about Merv?
9:12 PM: He's not afraid to snuggle.
10:30 PM: What else is cool about Merv?
12 MID: 1.) He almost never changes
his shirt.
2.) He lives right next door to Katie's house.
3.) He was in a couple porn flicks before the accident.
4.) (see number two)
2:48 AM - I'm feeling blue.
3:02 AM - Wake up Pam. "Pam do you like me?" Pam throws a booger at my head.
3:07 AM - Wake up Poppy. "Poppy, do you like me?" Poppy hits me with his alarm clock.
3:11 AM - Wake up Sarah. "Sarah, do you like me?" Sarah farts & goes back to sleep.
3:20 AM - Wake up Katie. "Katie, do you like me?" "Brad, you stink. Leave me alone."
3:21 AM - I think Katie likes me.
I'm so happy.
5 AM! TIME TO GREASE THE BASEMENT!
11:20 AM: Remember that Christmas in 1987 when I wore washed clothes and shaved?
11:41 AM: I don't.
3 PM: Question: What do you get when you subtract Sandy from Joyce? ...Did I already tell this one?
4:45 PM: I think if I were a scary monster, my name would still be Brad.
4:47 PM: Graaaar! I'm BRAD!!! Rowr!
9 PM: I wonder if I've lost touch with mainstream America...
10 PM: GRRRRRROOOWRR!!!
12 MID: Good jobs at good
wages.
6:28 AM - Where the hell am I?
6:40 AM - Smells familiar...
7:02 AM - Hmm... Sandy's?
7:04 AM - Under the basement?
8:12 AM - I'm hungry.
9:05 AM - Dammit, where the hell am I?
10:20 AM - "Hello? ...Hello! Merv? ...Merv!? ...Sandy? ...Pam?!"
11:21 AM - This isn't funny, man. I'm hungry.
12:08 PM - Damn.
1:16 PM - I know that smell.
2 PM - But what is it?
7 PM - Oh! I think I've figured it out...
7:58 PM - Yep... I'm in the toilet again.
8:20 PM - BOOG sucks.
9 AM - I think I got my period today.
10 AM - My undies are soaked in blood.
11 AM - Oh, wait a sec...
12 NOON - That's not blood.
1 PM - It's borscht.
2 PM - Nevermind.
3 PM - False alarm.
4 PM - Someday me and Merv are gonna get married.
4:14 PM - No, not to each other, you idiot. That would be gross.
5 PM - We're gonna marry Katie.
Lord God above! This isn't Pam's diary at all! It's yours!
Just then you hear footsteps coming toward the door...