What secrets could this diary reveal to you about your mysteriously alluring sister Pam?

    Your curiosity is too powerful to be denied, and you sit yourself down on Pam's bed and read the opened pages...



MONDAY the 8th

12 Noon: Just thinking.

1 PM:    Aw, yeah!

2 PM:    That'll work.

2:42 PM: "Hey, Katie.  I got this job as a fashion photographer.  You wanna be my personal assistant?"

2:43 PM: Whoops.  That was Anna.

2:44 PM: But Anna said okay!

2:45 PM: Oh, no.  I dropped the camera.  And Anna ran away.

4 PM:    Van Time!

5 PM:    Under the van.  It's funky.

5:02 PM: Whoops.  That was Anna.

9 PM:    Just thinking.
 



Tuesday the 9th

3 PM:    You know what's cool about Merv?

5 PM:    He's everywhere.

5:05 PM: Need a little doob?  Merv's on it.

5:18 PM: Out of cash?  Merv's the bank.

6:20 PM: Penis caught?  Don't call the cops; Merv's got the jaws of life.

8:45 PM: What's the best thing about Merv?

9:12 PM: He's not afraid to snuggle.

10:30 PM: What else is cool about Merv?

12 MID:  1.) He almost never changes his shirt.
         2.) He lives right next door to Katie's house.
         3.) He was in a couple porn flicks before the accident.
         4.) (see number two)
 



WEDNESDAY the 10th

2:48 AM - I'm feeling blue.

3:02 AM - Wake up Pam.  "Pam do you like me?"  Pam throws a booger at my head.

3:07 AM - Wake up Poppy.  "Poppy, do you like me?"  Poppy hits me with his alarm clock.

3:11 AM - Wake up Sarah.  "Sarah, do you like me?"  Sarah farts & goes back to sleep.

3:20 AM - Wake up Katie.  "Katie, do you like me?"  "Brad, you stink.  Leave me alone."

3:21 AM - I think Katie likes me.  I'm so happy.
 



THUSDAY the 10th

5 AM!    TIME TO GREASE THE BASEMENT!

11:20 AM: Remember that Christmas in 1987 when I wore washed clothes and shaved?

11:41 AM: I don't.

3 PM:     Question:  What do you get when you subtract Sandy from Joyce?  ...Did I already tell this one?

4:45 PM:  I think if I were a scary monster, my name would still be Brad.

4:47 PM:  Graaaar!  I'm BRAD!!! Rowr!

9 PM:     I wonder if I've lost touch with mainstream America...

10 PM:    GRRRRRROOOWRR!!!

12 MID:   Good jobs at good wages.
 



FRIDAY the 11th

6:28 AM - Where the hell am I?

6:40 AM - Smells familiar...

7:02 AM - Hmm... Sandy's?

7:04 AM - Under the basement?

8:12 AM - I'm hungry.

9:05 AM - Dammit, where the hell am I?

10:20 AM - "Hello?  ...Hello!  Merv?  ...Merv!?  ...Sandy?  ...Pam?!"

11:21 AM - This isn't funny, man.  I'm hungry.

12:08 PM - Damn.

1:16 PM - I know that smell.

2 PM - But what is it?

7 PM - Oh!  I think I've figured it out...

7:58 PM - Yep... I'm in the toilet again.

8:20 PM - BOOG sucks.
 



SATURDAY the 12th

9 AM - I think I got my period today.

10 AM - My undies are soaked in blood.

11 AM - Oh, wait a sec...

12 NOON - That's not blood.

1 PM - It's borscht.

2 PM - Nevermind.

3 PM - False alarm.
 



SUNDAY the 13th

4 PM - Someday me and Merv are gonna get married.

4:14 PM - No, not to each other, you idiot.  That would be gross.

5 PM - We're gonna marry Katie.
 


    Lord God above!  This isn't Pam's diary at all!  It's yours!

    Just then you hear footsteps coming toward the door...


    Put the diary back, and hide under Pam's bed.

    Do not hide.  Confront Pam about the diary.

    Hide under the diary.  Confront the bed about Pam.